A Valentine to a Stranger

To Whom it May Concern...

We don't really know each other and though you had no way of knowing it at the time, you gave me hope. Don't take this the wrong way, I don't mean it like that, this is not that kind of Valentine, but I think of you often. 

When we met you were a surprising reminder that my heart could still beat and in a moment, offered a glimpse of a future that looks something like you; stunning, charming, confident, funny, independent and absolutely great at what you do. I'm sure you don't remember our conversation, but I remember it, often, like it was just yesterday. 

Although I'm certain I'm not your type of guy, thats not the point. This is just a thank you; to let you know you do have a secret admirer and though we will likely not meet again, it would be a shame not to at least say it to the universe.

You should know, I left you a small piece of my heart and if in the incredibly remote chance you find it, and yourself, without a Valentine this year, know that I think you are incredible and it cannot be long now before someone discovers how truly amazing you are, and like me, becomes lucky enough to have met a stranger like you. -Joe    

The Graduates

"When the dreams you're dreaming come to you,

when the work you put in is realized. Let yourself feel the pride but always stay humble and kind."

Last month my son graduated from high school, completing Tulsa Technology's Electrical program with certifications in all 11 programs. And in a way, it feels like I graduated too. We celebrated the moment with a sense of pride and accomplishment and if success is measured by where you started versus where you are, then the end of this chapter in both of our stories would certainly qualify.

"I ran for 3 years, 2 months, 14 days and 16 hours" -Forrest Gump

Movies have a way of fast forwarding through a particular period of time. A series of glimpses into days, months or even years, all stitched together in a 30 second montage accompanied by some sort of inspirational soundtrack. These move the audience past the work, through the mundane or tragic parts, the early days of seemingly endless routine in some persistant wilderness, a process, a healing, a becoming and the triumphant arrival of a particular moment in time. Of course it doesnt quite work that way in real life, but those days do pass, the light does eventually come. Wait for it.

When we began this journey, I could not see beyond the day let alone the distance between that day and now. In real life there is no fast forwarding past the tragic parts, the early dark days and darker nights, but they do indeed pass. Father Time is relentless and methodical.

Only we know all the details of this chapter of our father and son story, we share them just between us, but the most visible parts are written in the smile of pride on his face and wrinkles and lines in mine.

We both graduated last month. The journey has taken us through good times and bad, highs and lows, setbacks and victories, but in the end, it was absolutely worth it all.

"Today, I thank whatever Gods may be for my unconqurable soul. For I am the master of my fate, I am the Captain of my soul." - Invictus

To All the Dads “Doing the Most” this Father’s Day- A Word of Encouragement 

​​(SOL 293)- It’s payday Friday and I am working from home today, waiting for my last conference call of the week. My son is still sleeping. I just finished the dishes and started our laundry after rushing home last night from a business trip in Dallas. My colleague told me on my drive home that it looked like I was running out of there yesterday. I apologize for that but my 16 year old son, who I left at home by himself, (only a 4 hour drive away, but a calculated risk for sure), had just called me to ask when I was coming home and if he should cook himself dinner or wait for me.

I think every good parent has that constant sense of "Am I doing the right thing here? Am I making the right decisions and choices, for both of us; Am I 'Doing the Most?" I find there is a constant drive to do the best for your kids, to see them do well, prosper and be happy with the lives they lead.

I told to him to eat a snack, (for him: 4 corn-dogs and a frozen pizza!) but I would bring him dinner. This is my first year as both Dad and Mom and I am still not quite sure if “I am doing the most.” Of course I am making some mistakes along the way but I am slowly figuring things out. I am still learning to cook a variety of meals so we tend to favor high volume fast food from time to time for both economy and efficiency.
​
​After the 5:45PM Dallas traffic, I made it home about 11:30PM with a bag of burritos, to my waiting son, who both hugged me and carried in my luggage. Though the house was a mess, and I don’t think he showered more than once since I left last Sunday, he hugged me again as he grabbed four burritos. I grabbed him tightly, kissed him on the forehead,and watched as he headed off to his room as 16 year olds tend to do. 

Later, I could hear him laughing loudly online with his friends, and as I crashed on the couch among the clutter, dirty dishes, and full garbage can; I realized, at least in this moment, it’s OK to rest for a minute, to give myself a break from the guilt of "never enough" because that sound says; “You are indeed, “doing the most,” and for now that is indeed enough. 

To all the other Single Dads out there doing the most, we don’t hear allot about us, you don’t get allot of credit, but I salute you, it’s certainly not easy, but when you hear the sound of your kids laughter, it’s worth it. Have a great Father’s Day! -Joe

Opportunity-I Wonder If They Know?

I wonder if they know? It's Sunday night before I go to work on Monday. I am to begin a New Hire training class at 8:00 tomorrow and I am expecting 26 people. I am going through my evening preparations for work, make the coffee, shine my shoes, pick out my clothes for the first day class, when a out of nowhere this question pops into my head; I wonder if they know? 

I wonder if they know?
I wonder if they have thought about what's about to happen?
I wonder if they will be able to truly appreciate the milestone decision and opportunity that tomorrow brings?  
I wonder if they have planned properly?
I wonder how they will react when confronted with contradictions and broken paradigms?
I wonder who will fail to assess themselves or the moment accurately, and who gets it exactly?  
I wonder who is nervous and who is unsettled and whose insecurities will stand out the most, theirs, or mine? 
I wonder if they will meet my high expectations, will I meet theirs?
I wonder if it will be obvious that I take the moment of their opportunity seriously?
I wonder if they will able to tell I have been planning for them? 
I wonder if they will see that I am personally and professionally vested in their well being?
I wonder how many will succeed beyond their own expectations, and how can I make sure I don't miss the one's that are just about to give up?

They will have to work to get it, but all them will be offered the same opportunity that will mean more to some than to others. For some it will be just another job, another experience. For others, like me, it will change them and the course of their lives forever. I wonder if they know it?     

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is wearing overalls and looks like work"- (See source)

This is what I am thinking, in my closet Sunday night, before their big day, I wonder if they will know?

What Happened? Life. Same As Yours. (I don't blame you if you don't read this)

This is my first post since October of last year-translation- it's a bit longer than it should be. I wouldn't blame you, if you didn't read this. 

I read somewhere that one of the worst mistakes you can make as a writer is to not follow up with your blog regularly, as people will naturally forget about it. Well, considering I am still not sure I am completely comfortable with people regularly wanting to know whats going on in my head, I think I am OK with accidental readership. That being said, if you've read this far, here is "what happened?".  

Life. My life, same as your life, from a big picture perspective, that's what happened. Sav became a licensed driver and now regularly picks up Joseph from school and runs errands to the store for us. She continues to attempt to explain the work she is doing in AP Chemistry and we continue to act like we understand. She recently explained how she was the only one to successfully solve this Chemistry problem by continuing to reduce out the number of molecules in a potassium something. I really appreciated her accomplishment but I wouldn't blame her if she missed it.   

We shared a tragic loss with close friends that touched us all and made us kinder to each other. I became more aware of the passage of time. That's all I can write about that right now. 

I was involved in an accident that totaled our car. I was unhurt, without a scratch, but I am more intentional when saying "goodbye" every time I leave, for any reason. 

My son Joseph demonstrated his courage recently by avoiding a confrontation that could have been more serious than he realized at the time. His courage to make the right choice and face the ridicule of others or bolster his "rep" with the crowd, speaks to his growing maturity. 

I have recently applied for a new job within my company. I have done this type of work in the past and I am sure I can be an asset to that team. However, there are other very talented people who have applied for the same job and the possibility exists that I may not get the job. Then what? Life. That's what. Life is good. There will be other opportunities, though I will likely be disappointed in the moment, I have a good job that I like. Not that I don't really want the position, I do, but on the whole, a good job shouldn't become a bad job, simply because you didn't get a better job. Make sense? This is what I tell myself.      

I have found, I learn when I teach, and I learn when I watch others learn. I offer no special wisdom or insight here, I am only thinking out loud on paper. I usually talk, to think. I don't know that I would follow me, or anything I write. I don't necessarily know where I am going, just my own meandering experience. But I will share what I am thinking as I get to figuring out seems to make life more positive and meaningful for me and mine. Feel free to do the same. I welcome the dialogue. 

I will post more often this year, (but that's what every writer says,) never mind. I wouldn't blame you, if you didn't read this.      

Football Dad

Joseph and I got up early this Saturday morning and went to the Waffle House for a game-day breakfast. Today is the last game of the regular season in recreational youth league football. The team plays the undefeated, number one team in the division. He will have a couple more weeks of post season tournaments and then it will be over.

From 3rd grade to 7th we have strained our budget for sign up fees, new cleats and uniforms and ever bigger equipment. We rearranged our lives and adjusted our work schedules for football practice and Saturday games, home and away.

I underestimated how I would feel the first time I watched him run onto the field. Like many football dads, I've offered unsolicited coaching before, during and after the game. I share in his victories and I have shared in his pain in defeat and injury. He is a much better player than I ever was. I crave sunflower seeds but only at his practices and games, I have discovered its a great way to keep my mouth shut.  

It's been a great experience, I think I will miss it. Win or lose today, it's a good day to be a football dad.    

The Paterfamilias-The First Car

Pa·ter·fa·mil·i·as- 

 noun \ˌpa-tər-fə-ˈmi-lē-əs,ˌpä-, ˌpā-\

Definition of PATERFAMILIAS

1 : the male head of a household

2 : the father of a family

3 : a man who originates or is a leading figure in something (as a movement, discipline, or enterprise)

This is my 24th Fathers Day. I have yet to win Father of the Year. 24 times, I began my day reflecting on the quality of my work and role as a father the year prior. Most of the time I found myself lacking. Not today. Now, I won't claim the title this year either, but I am getting better!

Today, I get to create a moment that a father idealizes from the moment he becomes a father, the first car. 

I was not in a position in my life to be able to provide or even contribute to my first two daughters first cars. I felt guilty that I could not be part of that moment but I was grateful they didn't go without. Their step-dad, Dan made sure they had what they needed and continues to do so to this day. Gratitude, (though it barely expresses the sentiment.)  

My step-daughter Savannah is as close to me as any of my own children. She turns 16 this October. Yesterday we found a great deal on the perfect car for her and we bought it. We are giving it to her today, Fathers Day. 

I am currently basking in my success as a father and I am trying to come up with a creative way to give it to her tonight at dinner. However, I still feel a twinge of guilt for my past failures to measure up to the moment. 

Today I will celebrate my moment, a symbolic achievement of fatherhood, and instead of dwelling on my past failures as a father, I will pay it forward. Father, Step-Father, first chance or second chance, there's always some reason to feel not good enough, but not today. 

To all my kids, I am sorry for all the times I let you down, was not the man, father, or example I could have been. I know I can be a better father, but I think you guys got pretty lucky, all things considered, I might be turning into a good dad after all. 

Love you all with all my heart.                 

Dad/Joe